the associations of life

i really want to delve into life in general, hopefully a life full of passion. forgive me for writing while thinking (i think that its best to do this at times when thinking is inhibited by chemicals) but there are a few things i want to pound out. 

i live my life by association--and i feel that association, the connecting of events to feelings through different senses, drives my memory more and more as the years go by. a certain song can send me into a tailspin that is difficult to recover from. it has turned into a joke by now but this year at sasquatch festival my buddies would not leave me alone as soon as death cab started playing transatlanticism. why? of course it is about a girl and the pain that situation entails but that is besides the point. they kept looking back at me to comfort me and wouldn't let it die until the song was almost over. luckily they were drunk enough to sing their "come on"'s with all their hearts so i could enjoy a moment alone with dcfc and my memories. 

places can do it to me too. i had a great conversation with a friend today over a short cross state road trip about how our minds are triggered by association and we both had a laugh. the fact that every time i have driven I-90 i think back to a trip that my father and i took and the music we were listening too... it gets me every time. who knew supertramp was music to roll to? 

smells can do it (evergreens anyone?). tastes can do it. the way the sun breaks through the clouds and forms those amazing rays of sunshine reminding you of great days on the mountain when everything in your life seemed in order--or who cares how orderly it was because in reality it is so very, very small? clouds have that affect on me as well. too many things really, i could go on and on. 

so, here's my point and my query. we all have certain things that strike our senses and cause us to think back and remember the good ole days (or even the not so good days), but what is it that pushes us forward? are those triggers there to remind us of where we're from or should they be reminding us that we need to push on? what is it that takes us further and further and not just stuck and dwelling on those memories? are they the memories themselves? 

you see i believe that we are always evolving, either moving forward or regressing, but we are always moving and changing. and i am not one who goes six months and turns around and has to "find my first love" again. no. i refuse to. and i think there is a certain beauty in that. to be confident in where you are at and to find a strong place to stand up where you are at shows great character and i think that it is vital for growth. and for that reason i choose to move forward. to go from where i am at. to go from that place and spring forward into life with more learning, struggling, as i am pursuing enlightenment and peace. it will be and has been a struggle but i enjoy learning. 

i don't think that association is a bad thing in any way. i love my memory. i love the fact there are numerous things that trigger it which in turn causes me to show my stupid grin to people who are just passing by--and maybe they wish some creepy guy wasn't grinning so stupidly at them. now look what i've started. 

good times.